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This will always be what coolness looks like to me. 

This will always be what coolness looks like to me. 

(Source: wesandersonpalettes)

Video

Here it is! My first-ever talk I gave at Çingleton 2013! It’s edited so well that you can barely even tell my computer kernel panicked at around 3:45. 

I really loved being a speaker this year and hope it’s something I can practice more. Please, internet, give me a microphone and a spotlight more often because I CRAVE IT. 

Thanks so much to my buddy Guy English for believing in me, and to Lex, Scott, Clarko, Matt, and Neven for volunteering their faces for my talk. 

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Let’s reconsider our “clients”

cli•ent

/klīǝnt/

Noun

1. A person or organization using the services of a lawyer or other professional person or company. 

2. A person receiving sexual services in return for money

Synonyms

customer, patron, buyer, john, trick

During a Pacific Helm board meeting, our co-founder Louie, pulled me aside and asked me a stupid question. 

"Why do we call all the people we work with ’clients’?"

"I don’t know. We’ve always called them that."

It wasn’t something I’ve thought about for some time because it’s a useless problem to think about that doesn’t do much to solve the challenges we face as a business. But let’s talk about it anyway. The term “client” made its appearance in business since the dawn of business (prostitution). It was solidified in professional culture as a person who pays to receive a service, such as a ten-dollar blowjob. It’s strange to me that blowjobs are only ten dollars. Think about all the other things that cost ten dollars; a Square card reader, a bad haircut, a banana. What was I talking about again? 

Right: clients. Client is kind of a weird word when you think about it. Client. Cli-ent. Cllllient. Cliiiiiient. C-lie-nt. Client. It doesn’t even sound like a word anymore! Isn’t it weird how that happens? Anyway yeah. Why would we use such a weird word to refer to the people who are bankrolling our lives? It’s impersonal, it’s reductive, it’s stale. 

At Pacific Helm we’re removing the term “clients” from our vocabulary and replacing it with “friends” and the more specific “friends with monetary benefits”. Clients are something a whore does for money. Or candy. The word “friends with monetary benefits” sets a high bar for the mutual relationship we have with our clients that is free of any potential sexual connotation. Unless you want there to be. 

To everyone in the technology industry: I encourage you to reconsider the word “client”. If I ever say the word “client” again, immediately charge me $140*. Why? Because I am rich. Haha. As if you didn’t already know that. 

JESSIECHAR

*Terms and conditions may apply. Valid only for the first 5 recipients or until I change my mind. Please submit invoice to jack@squareup.com. 

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Thanks Google.

Thanks Google.

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Track 1- Somebody’s Practicing Guitar (Again)
Track 2- Drip, Drip, Drop… Actually Where Is That Coming From
Track 3- Woooooooooo!
Track 4- Bitch You CRAZY! Bang-bang-bang 
Track 5- The Wheels on the Bus Go SCEEEEERSTCHH
Track 6-  Midnight Screamin’
Track 7- Don’t Worry That’s Just An M-80
Track 8- Awkward Neighbor Sex Jam
Track 9- That Must Be One Huge Fucking Fire
Track 10- Cat Or Baby? 
Track 11- VROOM VROOM GOES THE ASSHOLE ON THE MOTORCYCLE 
Track 12- Fifteen Different Kinds Of Car Horns
Track 13- That One Was Probably A Gunshot
BONUS TRACK- 90 Minute Car Alarm Loop

Track 1- Somebody’s Practicing Guitar (Again)

Track 2- Drip, Drip, Drop… Actually Where Is That Coming From

Track 3- Woooooooooo!

Track 4- Bitch You CRAZY! Bang-bang-bang 

Track 5- The Wheels on the Bus Go SCEEEEERSTCHH

Track 6-  Midnight Screamin’

Track 7- Don’t Worry That’s Just An M-80

Track 8- Awkward Neighbor Sex Jam

Track 9- That Must Be One Huge Fucking Fire

Track 10- Cat Or Baby? 

Track 11- VROOM VROOM GOES THE ASSHOLE ON THE MOTORCYCLE 

Track 12- Fifteen Different Kinds Of Car Horns

Track 13- That One Was Probably A Gunshot

BONUS TRACK- 90 Minute Car Alarm Loop

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infinity-imagined:

Their vision is hyperspectral, they can see ultraviolet and infrared wavelengths, as well as polarized light.  They have 360 degree vision and three parts of each eye can focus on the same spot, so each individual eye has trinocular vision with depth perception.  They have a very large focal range and the eyes can emit light, which is used for communication.

Sweet Jesus, Mantis Shrimp.

infinity-imagined:

Their vision is hyperspectral, they can see ultraviolet and infrared wavelengths, as well as polarized light.  They have 360 degree vision and three parts of each eye can focus on the same spot, so each individual eye has trinocular vision with depth perception.  They have a very large focal range and the eyes can emit light, which is used for communication.

Sweet Jesus, Mantis Shrimp.

(Source: cinemastranger)

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Brilliant. 

Brilliant. 

(Source: textfromxcode)

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Filed under: Hot Gossip > Celebrity Feuds > Podcaster Punchouts 
GET THE SCOOP ON THE TALK SHOW LEAVING 5BY5! 
Oh no you didn’t! LOL!
It looks like celebriblogger John Gruber released another episode of his popular podcast The Talk Show… ON THE 5BY5 MULE RADIO NETWORK! 
While Gruber (of Daring Fireball fame) has been podcasting on The Talk Show since before the inception of the 5by5 network many of his super fans have been startled by the announcement. Sources say he and longtime gal pal Mike Monteiro “just wanted to be closer to each other, always” but WE THINK SOMETHING ELSE IS UP. 
What happened to that other guy he used to podcast with? 
T-shirt turbulence? 
Financial feuds?
An intricate theoretical argument between multiple parties that we have no reason to believe actually happened? We deserve to know!!
 TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! 

Filed under: Hot Gossip > Celebrity Feuds > Podcaster Punchouts 

GET THE SCOOP ON THE TALK SHOW LEAVING 5BY5! 


Oh no you didn’t! LOL!

It looks like celebriblogger John Gruber released another episode of his popular podcast The Talk Show… ON THE 5BY5 MULE RADIO NETWORK! 

While Gruber (of Daring Fireball fame) has been podcasting on The Talk Show since before the inception of the 5by5 network many of his super fans have been startled by the announcement. Sources say he and longtime gal pal Mike Monteiro “just wanted to be closer to each other, always” but WE THINK SOMETHING ELSE IS UP. 

What happened to that other guy he used to podcast with? 

T-shirt turbulence? 

Financial feuds?

An intricate theoretical argument between multiple parties that we have no reason to believe actually happened? We deserve to know!!

 TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! 

Audio

Anyone else have a dream about eating Italian at 2am while Scott, Merlin, and Matt sang Smiths songs? 

UPDATE: Apparently it was real. 

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You Look Nice Today Starter Pack

Here’s what you need to know:

The Dance.

The Name.

The Cocktail.

The Business. 

The Sidekick. 

Tags: ylntpack